Simple Tips for Texting with Class

Texting is a fantastic form of communication.  "With it you can get a message to someone without causing their phone to ring at an inopportune time, ask a friend a question and let them respond at their leisure, or just shout out a quick greeting to someone without making a big deal about it." 

However that being said, there are a few text-message etiquette tips to keep in mind, especially when sending a text message in public or on behalf of your organization.

1) Don’t Text When You Wouldn’t Call
Would you call a friend to chat while in the middle of the  night, at a meeting or on a date?  If the answer is no, then you shouldn’t be texting, either.

2) Be Careful What You Text
“Don’t text-message anything confidential, private, or potentially embarrassing.”  There is always the possibility that people can see what you are typing, especially when sitting in rows of chairs.  In some cases, sending inappropriate content is even subject to criminal charges.  A great rule is simply not to text anything that you wouldn't want your mother to see.

3) “Remember, No One Can Judge Your Tone on a Text”
…especially people who you’ve only recently met or don't see often.  They don’t know you, or your tone as well as the people you see every day.  Also, try not to overanalyze a text, don’t read too much into them.  A lot can be missed in conversations via text.   If you ever have something really important to communicate, do it the old fashioned way, in person.

4) Don’t Always Expect an Immediate Response
Remember, it’s possible the person you are texting is unavailable and won’t be able to immediately respond.  Though texting can frequently glean instant information, don't be upset if it doesn't.  The person you're texting may not be near their phone, or could be in a location that it is inappropriate for them to respond to you.

One last note!  Those of us that are responsible for the social correspondence of an organization should never text a response to a social engagement that wasn't sent to you via text to begin with.  Don't text business matters, sad news or anything that is time critical.  Thank you notes and RSVPs should always be responded to in a matter comparative to the original event.

Do you have texting tips or questions?  Leave a comment and let us know how you get it done!




Adapted from The Date Report and Emily Post

Image Source: designmom.com via Sarah on Pinterest

Sweetheart Guides: New Mexico

The Sweetheart Manual for New Mexico DeMolay is a great resource for young ladies looking for more information on the program.  It offers a set of guidelines for how a Sweetheart can show positive feelings for her Chapter and many ways to bring her closer to every DeMolay she serves. They believe that "by no means should the Sweetheart’s sole duty be to attend installations or provide refreshments" and we here at Sweetheart Social love hearing that. Kudos!

Suggestions for being a Great Sweetheart:

• Smile, a smile shows you are warm and friendly. Smiles are free and should be given often. Be sincere, talk and ask questions. If you are ever in doubt there is always someone you can ask who can give help or advice.
• Always abide by the virtues of DeMolay: Filial Love, Reverence for Sacred Things, Courtesy, Comradeship, Fidelity, Cleanness, and Patriotism.
• Offer to help the telephone committee and remind members of upcoming dates. Help with Chapter projects.
• Be polite and helpful to visiting Sweethearts and guests.
• Send get well, thank you, or birthday cards to members or advisors.
• In late March begin talking to your Master Councilor about Sweetheart elections.
• Communication!! Communication!! Communication!! It cannot be expressed enough how important communication is to your Chapter members, advisors, your state Sweetheart committee and Sweetheart Coordinator.
• Be on time! Being late makes a bad impression. Encourage your mother to accompany you to all functions and Convention. If your mother cannot attend you are responsible for having a pre-arranged chaperone.
• Dance with any DeMolay who asks you. “No” is not an option and always keep your type of dance appropriate.
• Don’t chew gum at Chapter meetings or other formal DeMolay functions. Don’t use profanity.
• Don’t travel alone.
• Don’t sit on a boy’s lap at any time or allow them to sit on yours.
• Don’t try to run the Chapter. Instead offer suggestions that might be beneficial.
• Don’t accept improper behavior from any DeMolay or Advisor. Inform the Sweetheart Coordinator or an advisor immediately.
• New Mexico DeMolay highly suggests you do not date young men within your own Chapter during your term as Chapter Sweetheart. Excessive public shows of affection are discouraged at any DeMolay event.

The Sweetheart Manual for New Mexico DeMolay can be found online and all young women seeking the position should be well versed in it's contents. 

The Hostess Gift

When invited to attend events as a guest of another Chapter, Bethel or Assembly it is nice to bring the hostess a small token of your thanks.  We at Sweetheart Social feel strongly that it's best to present a small, personal gift to your hostess as you arrive.  Presentations within meeting can be long and drawn out leaving attendees not involved in the exchange feeling uncomfortable. Be sure to keep gifts simple and under $20.

It is customary in some jurisdictions for presentations of elaborate gifts to be given from one organization to another at the end of significant business. If a gift of this sort is being presented from the organization you are representing, it is unnecessary to go to the additional expense of a personal gift. 

What to Give
Books or Bookmarks, CDs, personal organizers, fruit baskets, candles, picture frames, small floral arrangements, boxes of chocolate or other favorite treats are always a lovely way to recognize your hostess.  It's best to keep the gift simple and relatively inexpensive.

Overnight stay in a Private Home
When using someone's home to stay in a gift is mandatory. The longer the stay, the more expensive or elaborate the gift should be.  For example, for a weekend stay, you may decide to send flowers or bring a basket of fruit and muffins.  If you’ve stayed for three nights or more, a gift certificate to the hostess’s favorite spa or restaurant would be appropriate. 

Should you send something if you're not attending?
There’s no need to send a gift to a host or hostess if you’re not attending the event.

Adapted from Emily Post 
Source: bakerella.com via Anjali on Pinterest

Table Manner Tips for Teens

Although today's teens may face many challenges on their journey to adulthood, empowering them with good manners helps ease a smooth and successful transition into adult social and business situations. 

"Etiquette is all about learning proper social skills from how to make first impressions in interviews and during social events, to graceful dining habits that are vital signposts to success in today's very competitive business environment, " says Fiona Cameron-Williams, International Protocol Consultant to the United Nations International School in Queens, NY.

Ms. Cameron-Williams believes that table manners play an important part in making a favorable impression, be it at a business meeting, on a first date, or during a social gathering.  "They are visible signals of the state of our manners and therefore are essential to personal and professional success," she continues, "The point of etiquette rules is to make you feel comfortable - not uncomfortable."

For those of us in the world of Masonic Youth, year end banquets and formal dinner parties can be the norm.  Though efforts are always made after a business meeting to relax and have fun, it's important that we practice the basics of good manners at the table so that we can put forth a good impression.  The following table manner tips for teens are provided by Ms. Cameron-Williams during her Teen Etiquette and UN International School Etiquette Courses:

Simple table manners:

• Pass food from the left to the right. Do not stretch across the table, crossing other guests, to reach food or condiments.
• If asked for the salt or pepper, pass both together, even if a table mate asks for only one of them. This is so dinner guests won't have to search for orphaned shakers.
• Set any passed item, whether it's the salt and pepper shakers, a bread basket, or a butter plate, directly on the table instead of passing hand-to-hand.
• Never intercept a pass. Snagging a roll out of the breadbasket or taking a shake of salt when it is en route to someone else is a no-no.
• Always use serving utensils to serve yourself, not your personal silverware.

Source: atti-tude.com via Marsha on Pinterest

In a restaurant:

• As soon as you are seated, remove the napkin from your place setting, unfold it, and put it in your lap. Do not shake it open. At some very formal restaurants, the waiter may do this for the diners, but it is not inappropriate to place your own napkin in your lap, even when this is the case.
• The napkin rests on the lap till the end of the meal. Don't clean the cutlery or wipe your face with the napkin. NEVER use it to wipe your nose!
• If you excuse yourself from the table, loosely fold the napkin and place it to the left or right of your plate. Do not refold your napkin or wad it up on the table either. Never place your napkin on your chair.
• At the end of the meal, leave the napkin semi-folded at the left side of the place setting. It should not be crumpled or twisted; nor should it be folded. The napkin must also not be left on the chair.
 

 

Source: sugarandcharmblog.com via Susan on Pinterest

At a private dinner party:

• The meal begins when the host or hostess unfolds his or her napkin. This is your signal to do the same. Place your napkin on your lap, completely unfolded if it is a small luncheon napkin or in half, lengthwise, if it is a large dinner napkin. Do not shake it open.
• The napkin rests on the lap till the end of the meal. 
• The host will signal the end of the meal by placing his or her napkin on the table. Once the meal is over, you too should place your napkin neatly on the table to the left of your dinner plate. (Do not refold your napkin, but don't wad it up, either.)

Adapted from SOURCE

Cell Phone Etiquette

In this crazy instant access information age, we're all connected with cell phones and smart phone.  However it's important to remember that those phones are there for our convenience and not so that people can get a hold of us 24/7.   

Be in control of your phone, don't let it control you!  There's very little that can't wait a couple of hours until your meeting or activity is over with.  Make an effort to be with the people who are face to face.

If you are waiting for an important call (such as from your doctor or to tend to a serious personal matter) it's best to let the people you are with in real space to know that your attention may be pulled away briefly.  Always apologize for the interruption.


Be Courteous

• Speak softly. If you must take a call in public, keep you voice low whenever you're in the presence of others. You want to be considerate and avoid disturbing those around you.
• Watch your language, especially when others can overhear you. Oblivious to those around them. Some cell phone users feel free to pepper their conversation with obscenities. The people nearby may try not to listen, but it's hard to ignore. 
• Avoid talking about personal problems in a public place. Talking about personal problems in a public place can make those around you feel highly uncomfortable as well as being embarrassing for you. Make sure you save these conversations for home or another private place. 
• If it must be on and it could bother others, use the silent ring mode and move away to talk. If you must be alerted to a call, put your device on silent ring or vibrate, and check your caller ID or voice mail later. If you must take a call, wherever you are, move to a private space and speak as quietly as you can. If you’re with a group, simply excuse yourself for a few minutes: “Sorry, I need to take this call. I’ll be right back.” Then keep the call as brief as possible.
• Don’t make calls in a library, theater, church, inside a meeting, or from your table in a restaurant.  Phones should never be on the floor of a lodge room.  Period, end of discussion.  Excuse yourself, or even better just let the call go to voice mail.

Safety

• Keep Cell Phones out of the Changing Rooms.  With most cell phones now having cameras youth groups have put rules into place to keep them out of the changing rooms.  You may think it's fun to take pictures of everyone getting ready, but you never know what's in the back ground and it's simply not appropriate.
  
• Private info can be forwarded, so don’t text it.  Don't text anything confidential, private, or potentially embarrassing. You never know when your message might get sent to the wrong person or forwarded. Not to mention if someone finds your lost phone. Never text disparaging information about others.
• NEVER drive and phone at the same time. People who are talking, texting, or otherwise using a cellphone while driving are significantly slower to react to a red light and are at least four times as likely to be involved in an accident. Many states have outlawed cell phone use while driving. Hands-free phones may lessen the risk somewhat, but the smartest choice is to pull into a parking area and stop before making a call. 
• Texting is even more dangerous.  If you are the driver, be sure to give a passenger your phone as a designated texter.  Never, ever text and drive.

We hope that these common sense tips help you manage your cell phone when in public. The most important thing of all to remember is to be engaged in the moment with the people accompanying you.  Your cell phone can be a great tool, but don't let it's social aspects alienate you from the people that you're with.

Cell phone etiquette was adapted from the Emily Post Institute article "Top Ten Cell Phone Manners" 

Image Source: brenebrown.posterous.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Sweetheart Guides: Chapter Sweetheart Crestwood, MO

Both DeMolay and Sweethearts across the country sometimes struggle with what the purpose there is for young ladies in this organization dedicated to making better men. The Crestwood, Missouri Chapter offers very precise guidelines for it's Chapter Sweethearts that explain exactly what is expected of the young ladies during their term. We like the Crestwood Guidelines because not only do they ask the sweetheart to be kind, polite and a liaison between organizations, but they also explain her role in gaining membership and developing fundraising activities.

CHAPTER SWEETHEART Responsibilities:

• Be present at all Chapter meetings, installations, social events, fund raising activities and athletic events that are planned during your term. 
• It is essential for the Chapter Sweetheart to know every boy in her Chapter and to make them feel welcome and involved. Dating within the Chapter or public displays of affection are forbidden. 
• Plan a fund raiser with your Chapter. Examples: car wash, dinner, raffle an item, sucker sales, etc.
• Vigorously seek to enhance the attendance, participation and membership of your Chapter. 
• Always have a sincere, warm and friendly smile for everyone. 
• Become a friend to all in your Chapter. 
• Maintain a cooperative attitude with the Advisors. 
• Act as liaison between DeMolay and Job's Daughters or Rainbow - possibly help plan a shared fun activity. 
• Be a hostess to visiting Sweethearts. 
• Help serve at breakfasts, luncheons, dinners, or receptions. 
• Assist with decorations, publications and committees. 
• The outgoing Sweetheart is expected to install her successor, however, can be made at the discretion of the Advisory Council. 
• The Chapter Sweetheart should always keep in mind that she is elected by the boys of her Chapter as their representative. DeMolay is a young man’s organization and ladies are elected by them to assist the Chapter and aid them in the enhancement of leadership, membership, service, and other DeMolay virtues. 

We'll be posting guideline from Chapters Across the country in the coming weeks so that you can see how Sweethearts across the country conduct themselves.

Does your Chapter offer detailed guidelines as to what is expected of it's Sweethearts? Does it outline expectations for a Sweetheart Court as well or are they a more nebulous concept in your area? Leave us a comment and let us know what you like best about the Sweetheart Guidelines in your State!

Rules

Source: Uploaded by user via Iman on Pinterest

Thank You Notes

Since we were little kids our Mom always harped on us to write a thank you note to grandma and grandpa when we got a gift.  As a young lady out in society it becomes even more important to say thank you for the opportunities and kindnesses that are presented to you. 

When respresenting an organization  (perhaps as an elected officer) it's even more important to send a note in order to maintain a good relationship with the community you are part of. 

It doesn't matter if we've received a personal kindness, or are responding on behalf of an organization a thank you note is a simple way to let others know that it has not been forgotten.

When to Write a Thank You Note:

• Any time you have reiceved a gift be it goods or monetary.
• Any time someone has hosted you in their "home"or at their Lodge/Bethel/Chapter/Assembly.
• Any time someone has done something special for you.

Do:

• Do send your note as quickly as possible, but remember it's never to late to let someone know they are appreciated. 
• Do write your note on nice stationary or pick up a simple card. 
• Do make sure that if you need to send a note on behalf of an organization, that the person assigned get all of the relevant information (name, address, why the card is being sent) to write the note and knows what time period it is expected to be sent in.

Don't:

• Don't even think about not sending a handwritten note, even if you have said thank you in person.
• Don't use "fill in the blank" thank you notes, they're tacky and don't express the correct sentiment of care and appreciation.
• Don't email, facebook, or tweet your thank you note. Take the time to write a thank-you note with pen and paper.  After all they took time for you.  An immediate e-mail can let the person know that a gift has been received, and saying thank you in person is always a good choice, but a thank-you note shows your appreciation and respect.

Are you need some help getting started writing your thank you note?  Check out Thank-You-Notes.com for ideas to craft lovely letters of thanks to all the people in your life that have helped along the way.

Sweetheart Guides: Indiana State

Every organization for young girls has it's own set of standards and guidelines to help their young ladies blossom into exceptional women.  Following these guidelines helps everyone know what is expected of them, and how to best serve the organization.  The following guidelines from the Indiana DeMolay State Sweetheart Manual, they call it the "Road to Being a Great State Sweetheart".

• SMILE- Everyone likes to see a smile.
• BE YOURSELF- You were elected because they wanted YOU, not someone else.
• GET TO KNOW GUYS FROM THE STATE- they elected you. Let them know you care.
• SPEAK- They know you can talk, so say something! Train yourself to speak (without shouting) so you can be heard. Be prepared to give remarks.
• ASK QUESTIONS- If you don’t know something or are in doubt, ask!
• LISTEN- Sometimes you are needed to just be a sympathetic ear more than anything. Encourage them to talk to you... show that you care.
• VOLUNTEER- There is always something you can do. Ask!
• GET TO KNOW THE ADVISORS- They can help you a lot.
• HELP- Get involved with your State’s projects, dinners, publications, etc.
• TAKE THE LEADERSHIP CORRESPONDENCE COURSE- The first LCC must be completed by all Chapter Sweethearts and Chapter Princesses before they are eligible to run for State Sweetheart. In addition, it will make your term easier as you learn more about DeMolay’s purposes and operation. 

We think these guidelines are great for all young ladies that are participating in all sorts of organizations.  A friendly smile for everyone goes a long way to making people feel welcome and at ease.  For young ladies that are a bit shy, it's okay take your time in getting to know your local group.  With a little practice, before you know it you'll be at ease with your core members and ready to branch out to some state events!

What Makes A Lady

Though Antebellum ideals are seldom embraced by young women today, the Southern Belle still maintains a romantic archetypal hold upon the American imagination. A young lady of breeding during the time was expected to maintain exceptional manners and high standards of self care. Though some of the exact expectations are quite outdated in the modern world, young ladies can still walk away with lessons from the customs of an earlier time. Here are a few notes on the appropriate behavior for a lady from First Lady of the South, Varina Howell Davis.
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"A lady is simply someone who cares about herself and others. She sees that her garments are clean and neatly pressed, her shoes are polished, and every button is in place. She is neat and tidy even at the breakfast table and wishes to appear well to her own family. She keeps her hair clean and well-groomed and never puts her hand to her hair to re-arrange it or search for loose pins while others can see.


A lady does not monopolize the conversation. She does not talk of herself and her own affairs but listens with well-simulated interest to a story that bores her. This is the mark of good breeding. She does not sit apart with one or two friends but makes the gentle effort to assure a good time for all with pleasant conversation. A lady does not say or do anything that will upset those around her or make them uncomfortable.

A lady does not let any man kiss her or put his arm around her unless she is engaged to be married to him, and even then she should be a little stingy with her favors.

A lady, when she brushes off her hat, does not forget to brush away the cobwebs…in her brain. She does not conclude that every man who has said something pleasant to her has fallen in love with her.

A lady is possessed of refinement, which prevents her from all fidgeting, from playing with her handkerchief, her umbrella, her purse, or whatever may be in her hands. When she sits down she remains quietly, her hands resting easily without movement and her whole figure is filled with repose. She is calm, composed, self-controlled at all times, yet there are no airs about her. These qualities are what keep her from talking and laughing loudly, and they prevent her from hurting the feelings of anyone.

A lady does not grow weary in well-doing but encourages herself by trying to live up to her ideal of a woman."