American Flag Etiquette

Saluting the Flag

Whenever the flag passes by, as in a parade, U.S. citizens pay it their respects by standing at attention and placing the right hand over the heart. Men remove their hats and hold them, in their right hands, over their hearts. This rule also applies to women wearing sports caps.  Hats and tiaras of other sorts should remain upon a lady's head.

While citizens of other countries are not expected to salute the U.S. flag, sing our national anthem, or recite the Pledge of Allegiance, it is respectful for them to stand quietly while the flag passes, the anthem is sung, or the pledge is recited.


The Pledge of Allegiance and the National Anthem

Congressional Act 36 USC 301 addresses the behavoir of all US Citizens during the pledge of allegiance and the national anthem.  When saying the pledge of allegiance, people of all ages are expected to stand at attention, face the flag, and salute by placing the right hand over the heart. Men should remove their hats, and women any sports caps.

Everyone, even very young children, should rise, remain standing, and salute by placing the right hand over the heart during the playing of The Star-Spangled Banner—first note to last.  It's ok if you don't sing, with it's extreme range the anthem isn't easy to sing.  However, if you chose not join in song you must stand quietly until  "O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave" has rung out and the music ends.

Wearing the Flag
 
According to Section 8d of the United States Flag Code, it is prohibited to wear the flag as an article of clothing.  You should not wear the flag in any form of clothing. That means a shirt styled to look like the flag, or having a flag print, or to be styled as if made from a flag.  It is considered very disrespectful as the clothes encounter daily wear, stains and are then eventually thrown away.

If you must wear a flag of some sort, wear a flag pin or broach.  Such a jewel bearing the likeness of the U.S. flag should only be worn on the left lapel.


Adapted From Emily Post and The Flag Code: Proper Flag Etiquette

Flag Display Image Source: gramfeed.com via Eric on Pinterest

Simple Tips for Texting with Class

Texting is a fantastic form of communication.  "With it you can get a message to someone without causing their phone to ring at an inopportune time, ask a friend a question and let them respond at their leisure, or just shout out a quick greeting to someone without making a big deal about it." 

However that being said, there are a few text-message etiquette tips to keep in mind, especially when sending a text message in public or on behalf of your organization.

1) Don’t Text When You Wouldn’t Call
Would you call a friend to chat while in the middle of the  night, at a meeting or on a date?  If the answer is no, then you shouldn’t be texting, either.

2) Be Careful What You Text
“Don’t text-message anything confidential, private, or potentially embarrassing.”  There is always the possibility that people can see what you are typing, especially when sitting in rows of chairs.  In some cases, sending inappropriate content is even subject to criminal charges.  A great rule is simply not to text anything that you wouldn't want your mother to see.

3) “Remember, No One Can Judge Your Tone on a Text”
…especially people who you’ve only recently met or don't see often.  They don’t know you, or your tone as well as the people you see every day.  Also, try not to overanalyze a text, don’t read too much into them.  A lot can be missed in conversations via text.   If you ever have something really important to communicate, do it the old fashioned way, in person.

4) Don’t Always Expect an Immediate Response
Remember, it’s possible the person you are texting is unavailable and won’t be able to immediately respond.  Though texting can frequently glean instant information, don't be upset if it doesn't.  The person you're texting may not be near their phone, or could be in a location that it is inappropriate for them to respond to you.

One last note!  Those of us that are responsible for the social correspondence of an organization should never text a response to a social engagement that wasn't sent to you via text to begin with.  Don't text business matters, sad news or anything that is time critical.  Thank you notes and RSVPs should always be responded to in a matter comparative to the original event.

Do you have texting tips or questions?  Leave a comment and let us know how you get it done!




Adapted from The Date Report and Emily Post

Image Source: designmom.com via Sarah on Pinterest

Write On: Condolences and Get Well Cards

Though it is a sensitive subject for greetings and correspondence, we in Masonic Orders are frequently called upon to write messages of condolence and well wishes when something unpleasant has happened to those amongst our fraternity.  It often falls to the scribe, sweetheart or recorder to compose a friendly message of encouragement.



• A “Get Well” card is most often sent to the recipient’s home, unless they are going to be in the hospital for an extended period.  If someone is ill, make sure to verify the nature of their illness before sending a “Get Well” card.  If  the illness is incurable or terminal, such a card is highly inappropriate.

• A card which states “Thinking of You” is always a good choice when you are not entirely sure what the recipients condition is as well as when you know that it is terminal.   If you or your Chapter  are fairly close to the recipient of the well wishes is appropriate to ask if there is something you can do to help, even suggesting something specific, such as "Please let us know if we can help babysitting."

• When writing on behalf of an organization be sure to make it clear that is the case.  Using a phrase such as "The DeMolay Chapter keeps you in it's thoughts and prayers" signing your note with the Order's name beneath yours.

• Leave the humorous “Get Well” cards for personal friends and family.  In a business context, it is neither appropriate nor worth the risk of causing offense.

• Take the time to hand-sign and address the card. Printed mailing labels make the card look impersonal and that's not what well wishes should be.

• Even if the card has a pre-printed message inside, take the time to write a quick sentence by hand for a more personal and considerate touch.


Adapted from Cards Direct Card Etiquette
Image Source: stampwithheather.typepad.com via Hilary on Pinterest

The Hostess Gift

When invited to attend events as a guest of another Chapter, Bethel or Assembly it is nice to bring the hostess a small token of your thanks.  We at Sweetheart Social feel strongly that it's best to present a small, personal gift to your hostess as you arrive.  Presentations within meeting can be long and drawn out leaving attendees not involved in the exchange feeling uncomfortable. Be sure to keep gifts simple and under $20.

It is customary in some jurisdictions for presentations of elaborate gifts to be given from one organization to another at the end of significant business. If a gift of this sort is being presented from the organization you are representing, it is unnecessary to go to the additional expense of a personal gift. 

What to Give
Books or Bookmarks, CDs, personal organizers, fruit baskets, candles, picture frames, small floral arrangements, boxes of chocolate or other favorite treats are always a lovely way to recognize your hostess.  It's best to keep the gift simple and relatively inexpensive.

Overnight stay in a Private Home
When using someone's home to stay in a gift is mandatory. The longer the stay, the more expensive or elaborate the gift should be.  For example, for a weekend stay, you may decide to send flowers or bring a basket of fruit and muffins.  If you’ve stayed for three nights or more, a gift certificate to the hostess’s favorite spa or restaurant would be appropriate. 

Should you send something if you're not attending?
There’s no need to send a gift to a host or hostess if you’re not attending the event.

Adapted from Emily Post 
Source: bakerella.com via Anjali on Pinterest

Table Manner Tips for Teens

Although today's teens may face many challenges on their journey to adulthood, empowering them with good manners helps ease a smooth and successful transition into adult social and business situations. 

"Etiquette is all about learning proper social skills from how to make first impressions in interviews and during social events, to graceful dining habits that are vital signposts to success in today's very competitive business environment, " says Fiona Cameron-Williams, International Protocol Consultant to the United Nations International School in Queens, NY.

Ms. Cameron-Williams believes that table manners play an important part in making a favorable impression, be it at a business meeting, on a first date, or during a social gathering.  "They are visible signals of the state of our manners and therefore are essential to personal and professional success," she continues, "The point of etiquette rules is to make you feel comfortable - not uncomfortable."

For those of us in the world of Masonic Youth, year end banquets and formal dinner parties can be the norm.  Though efforts are always made after a business meeting to relax and have fun, it's important that we practice the basics of good manners at the table so that we can put forth a good impression.  The following table manner tips for teens are provided by Ms. Cameron-Williams during her Teen Etiquette and UN International School Etiquette Courses:

Simple table manners:

• Pass food from the left to the right. Do not stretch across the table, crossing other guests, to reach food or condiments.
• If asked for the salt or pepper, pass both together, even if a table mate asks for only one of them. This is so dinner guests won't have to search for orphaned shakers.
• Set any passed item, whether it's the salt and pepper shakers, a bread basket, or a butter plate, directly on the table instead of passing hand-to-hand.
• Never intercept a pass. Snagging a roll out of the breadbasket or taking a shake of salt when it is en route to someone else is a no-no.
• Always use serving utensils to serve yourself, not your personal silverware.

Source: atti-tude.com via Marsha on Pinterest

In a restaurant:

• As soon as you are seated, remove the napkin from your place setting, unfold it, and put it in your lap. Do not shake it open. At some very formal restaurants, the waiter may do this for the diners, but it is not inappropriate to place your own napkin in your lap, even when this is the case.
• The napkin rests on the lap till the end of the meal. Don't clean the cutlery or wipe your face with the napkin. NEVER use it to wipe your nose!
• If you excuse yourself from the table, loosely fold the napkin and place it to the left or right of your plate. Do not refold your napkin or wad it up on the table either. Never place your napkin on your chair.
• At the end of the meal, leave the napkin semi-folded at the left side of the place setting. It should not be crumpled or twisted; nor should it be folded. The napkin must also not be left on the chair.
 

 

Source: sugarandcharmblog.com via Susan on Pinterest

At a private dinner party:

• The meal begins when the host or hostess unfolds his or her napkin. This is your signal to do the same. Place your napkin on your lap, completely unfolded if it is a small luncheon napkin or in half, lengthwise, if it is a large dinner napkin. Do not shake it open.
• The napkin rests on the lap till the end of the meal. 
• The host will signal the end of the meal by placing his or her napkin on the table. Once the meal is over, you too should place your napkin neatly on the table to the left of your dinner plate. (Do not refold your napkin, but don't wad it up, either.)

Adapted from SOURCE

Cell Phone Etiquette

In this crazy instant access information age, we're all connected with cell phones and smart phone.  However it's important to remember that those phones are there for our convenience and not so that people can get a hold of us 24/7.   

Be in control of your phone, don't let it control you!  There's very little that can't wait a couple of hours until your meeting or activity is over with.  Make an effort to be with the people who are face to face.

If you are waiting for an important call (such as from your doctor or to tend to a serious personal matter) it's best to let the people you are with in real space to know that your attention may be pulled away briefly.  Always apologize for the interruption.


Be Courteous

• Speak softly. If you must take a call in public, keep you voice low whenever you're in the presence of others. You want to be considerate and avoid disturbing those around you.
• Watch your language, especially when others can overhear you. Oblivious to those around them. Some cell phone users feel free to pepper their conversation with obscenities. The people nearby may try not to listen, but it's hard to ignore. 
• Avoid talking about personal problems in a public place. Talking about personal problems in a public place can make those around you feel highly uncomfortable as well as being embarrassing for you. Make sure you save these conversations for home or another private place. 
• If it must be on and it could bother others, use the silent ring mode and move away to talk. If you must be alerted to a call, put your device on silent ring or vibrate, and check your caller ID or voice mail later. If you must take a call, wherever you are, move to a private space and speak as quietly as you can. If you’re with a group, simply excuse yourself for a few minutes: “Sorry, I need to take this call. I’ll be right back.” Then keep the call as brief as possible.
• Don’t make calls in a library, theater, church, inside a meeting, or from your table in a restaurant.  Phones should never be on the floor of a lodge room.  Period, end of discussion.  Excuse yourself, or even better just let the call go to voice mail.

Safety

• Keep Cell Phones out of the Changing Rooms.  With most cell phones now having cameras youth groups have put rules into place to keep them out of the changing rooms.  You may think it's fun to take pictures of everyone getting ready, but you never know what's in the back ground and it's simply not appropriate.
  
• Private info can be forwarded, so don’t text it.  Don't text anything confidential, private, or potentially embarrassing. You never know when your message might get sent to the wrong person or forwarded. Not to mention if someone finds your lost phone. Never text disparaging information about others.
• NEVER drive and phone at the same time. People who are talking, texting, or otherwise using a cellphone while driving are significantly slower to react to a red light and are at least four times as likely to be involved in an accident. Many states have outlawed cell phone use while driving. Hands-free phones may lessen the risk somewhat, but the smartest choice is to pull into a parking area and stop before making a call. 
• Texting is even more dangerous.  If you are the driver, be sure to give a passenger your phone as a designated texter.  Never, ever text and drive.

We hope that these common sense tips help you manage your cell phone when in public. The most important thing of all to remember is to be engaged in the moment with the people accompanying you.  Your cell phone can be a great tool, but don't let it's social aspects alienate you from the people that you're with.

Cell phone etiquette was adapted from the Emily Post Institute article "Top Ten Cell Phone Manners" 

Image Source: brenebrown.posterous.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Write On: Birthday Greetings

As young ladies with social obligations we are often called upon to write correspondence to our friends and sisters throughout the Masonic community, as well as those people we know outside of the community.  Correspondence is important to us because it let's people know that even though we may be apart in miles, or though it's be a while since we've seen each other that they are still in our thoughts.  Besides, everybody loves it when they get something in the mail that's not a bill!

One of the most common forms of correspondence that people are participating in today is the birthday greeting.  Sending a timely and personalized birthday card through the post (good ole snail mail) is a great way to let somebody know you care.


How To Write Birthday Greetings:

• Compliment the recipient’s best qualities. Take advantage of the opportunity to say why you admire the recipient: “I’m so lucky to have such a charming, supportive, who is always there for me” or “I’m so proud of you for all you have accomplished this year.”


• Turn a birthday card into a thank-you note. Tell someone how much they meane to you and how they have made a difference to your life.


• Focus on the year ahead and what you hope it brings: joy, success, a new job, celebrations, possibilities. Look forward to something the two of you have planned or the next time you will bee them. 


• Don’t assume people are thrilled about a birthday. Some folks aren’t. And if age is an issue, don’t point out the number in the card. Emphasize the person, not the milestone.

At A loss For Words?

If you are at a complete loss as to what you should write inside of a birthday card, why not add a few simple quotes from others to your knowledge base.  However use caution when sending "canned" messages as you wouldn't want to use the same quote year after year.

• "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." ~ Lucille Ball
• "All the world is a Birthday Cake, so take a piece, juts not too much." ~ George Harrison
• "Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again." ~ Menachem Mendel Schneerson
• "God gave us the gift of life; It is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well." ~ Voltaire
• "If you survive long enough, you're revered - rather like an old building." ~ Katherine Hepburn
• Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time." ~ Jean Paul Richter
• I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity." ~ Elenor Roosevelt

We adapted these tips from Real Simple
Source: shop.banquetworkshop.com via Patty on Pinterest

Election Etiquette: Some Things to Remember

Summer in Masonic Youth Groups is the season of conventions, elections and pageants.  All the young ladies are trying to put their best foot forward to take a position in the coming year.  Sometimes though, it can be hard to be part of an organization that elects it's officers and leaders.  Every girl has their own goals and priorities, some they talk about, some are kept private.  When more than one person in the organization wants a specific position it's important to remember that the group is about more than one person, and that you are all there together to support your organization for it's greater good. We at Sweetheart Social thought we'd offer a few gentle reminders for this emotional journey.

                                                     Source: Uploaded by user via K@hy on Pinterest

DON'T

1) Don't throw a fit in public if you don't get the placing you want. It's normal to be disappointed and upset, but try to go somewhere private if you need to cry, swear, etc. There is a time and a place for everything, at the meeting or event is not the place for your meltdown.

2) Never, ever, EVER say anything disparaging about another girl, another group, or advisor. You don't really know everything going on in their life, and should try to a kind point of view.  People in foul moods usually have a fairly good reason, and everyone needs a friend.

3) Don't speculate about cheating, unfair scoring, etc. there is most likely nothing funny going on.  Don't let your imagination get the best of you.  If you think something is off, see if you can bring it up discreetly.

DO

1) Compliment people on their outfit! Everyone likes a compliment, as long as it's made sincerely and at an appropriate time.  We're girls, we all like to be told that we look pretty.

2) Listen to and respect the your advisors, they know what needs to be done during an election or pageant.  If you have a question, be sure to ask nicely.  Don't argue with them if they are saying something that you don't like.

3) Respect other people's space and belongings. If it doesn't belong to you, you shouldn't be touching it.  Girls and their parents often spend hundreds of dollars on dresses and accessories when running for an office or participating in a pageant.  Respect their belongings just as you wish them to respect yours.

4) If elections include speeches, clap for the other girls when they are finished.  It's not easy to create an organizational plan and then get up and talk about it.  Everyone should feel supported.

                                                           Source: outcamethesun.tumblr.com via Kate on Pinterest

If you are not placed to the position you would like to be it's okay to be sad, but don't take to long to dwell on it.  Talk to your new leader about her goals and figure out how you can best support the organization within her plan.  Most of all remember that you're both on the same side in wanting to make the group better.  You can always run again next year.

Fashion Friday: Staying Cool, Looking Neat

The formality of business attire often diminishes as temperatures rise. Every workplace and organization is different and some are a lot more relaxed than others but don't be fooled into thinking that no one will judge your appearance. Be sure you're comfortable with the message your clothes are sending. Check with you boss or advisors to see what your summer dress code includes.

For women, the more skin you show, the less influence you have.  Do you really want to work harder to earn the respect of your associates and advisors?  Keep up a professional look by combining seasonal items with lighter weight classics.  Pair capris with a lightweight blazer, sandals with a wrap dress.

Michelle Obama has made tank sleeves work-chic, but beware of spaghetti straps if your neckline is to deep and over exposed, strapless day dresses need to be saved for weekend brunch.  Avoid mini skirts, short shorts, Spandex, and bare midriffs.  Just because it’s hot doesn’t mean you don’t have to be covered.

When in doubt, khakis and polo shirts are the way to go for both men and women. Professional and comfortable they have a neat appearance and keep focus on the business at hand.

Wrinkles can be harder to fight in the humid summer months, but neat and clean still counts. Wrinkled khakis and a stained or faded polo shirt are just as bad as showing up in gym shorts and a tee-shirt for your favorite band. The "I just got out of bed" look does nothing to enhance your credibility.

While it's always acceptable to dress "above" your company's requirements, keep it to one notch up to avoid being incongruous with the rest of your colleagues. If people focus on your clothes for the wrong reason, you're wearing the wrong clothes.

 Adapted from Reuters

Rules

Source: Uploaded by user via Iman on Pinterest

Thank You Notes

Since we were little kids our Mom always harped on us to write a thank you note to grandma and grandpa when we got a gift.  As a young lady out in society it becomes even more important to say thank you for the opportunities and kindnesses that are presented to you. 

When respresenting an organization  (perhaps as an elected officer) it's even more important to send a note in order to maintain a good relationship with the community you are part of. 

It doesn't matter if we've received a personal kindness, or are responding on behalf of an organization a thank you note is a simple way to let others know that it has not been forgotten.

When to Write a Thank You Note:

• Any time you have reiceved a gift be it goods or monetary.
• Any time someone has hosted you in their "home"or at their Lodge/Bethel/Chapter/Assembly.
• Any time someone has done something special for you.

Do:

• Do send your note as quickly as possible, but remember it's never to late to let someone know they are appreciated. 
• Do write your note on nice stationary or pick up a simple card. 
• Do make sure that if you need to send a note on behalf of an organization, that the person assigned get all of the relevant information (name, address, why the card is being sent) to write the note and knows what time period it is expected to be sent in.

Don't:

• Don't even think about not sending a handwritten note, even if you have said thank you in person.
• Don't use "fill in the blank" thank you notes, they're tacky and don't express the correct sentiment of care and appreciation.
• Don't email, facebook, or tweet your thank you note. Take the time to write a thank-you note with pen and paper.  After all they took time for you.  An immediate e-mail can let the person know that a gift has been received, and saying thank you in person is always a good choice, but a thank-you note shows your appreciation and respect.

Are you need some help getting started writing your thank you note?  Check out Thank-You-Notes.com for ideas to craft lovely letters of thanks to all the people in your life that have helped along the way.

What Does RSVP mean?

"RSVP" is shorthand for the French “Répondez, s’il vous plaît.”

More plainly in English, it asks that you “Please reply” to the invitation you have received.

It's been our recent experience that even when a response is asked for, hosts often don't receive them even when they've gone to the trouble of including a response card.  This trend means either a growing rudeness amongst our culture, or people have simple forgotten what their social responsibility is as an invitee.  We would like to think that people simple no longer understand what it means.

This little code "RSVP" has been used on formal invitations for long time and it lets you know that your hosts want to know if you will be attending the event. 

It's important for your host to know if they can expect you at the event because it gives them an idea on how many people to plan for when it comes to seating, food, beverages, and favors.  

When one receives an invitation, whether as an single guest or as part of a group, it is the responsibility of those invited to let their host know if they will attend.   A prompt Reply, within a day or two of receiving an invitation is the most courteous action that you can take.  The Emily Post Institute offers us ideas for several ways that you can send your RSVP:

• If an RSVP is requested and no response card has been sent: a handwritten response to the host at the return address on the envelope is appropriate.
• If a Response Card is provided: fill in and reply by the date indicated and return in the enclosed envelope.
• RSVP with phone number: Place a telephone call and make sure to speak in person with your host.  Answering machines can be unreliable, do not simply leave a message.
• RSVP with email: you may accept or decline electronically.
• Regrets only: this means that you need only reply if you cannot attend. If your host doesn’t hear from you they are expecting you to be there.
• No reply requested?  It is always the polite choice to let someone know your intentions.  A phone call to let your host know you are looking forward to coming is sufficient.

So next time you, or your group is invited somewhere, be sure to look for that little "RSVP" on the invitation and give the favor of a reply to your host.  

The Death of Manners?

Source: houseoffiftyblog.blogspot.com via Sweetheart on Pinterest

What Makes A Lady

Though Antebellum ideals are seldom embraced by young women today, the Southern Belle still maintains a romantic archetypal hold upon the American imagination. A young lady of breeding during the time was expected to maintain exceptional manners and high standards of self care. Though some of the exact expectations are quite outdated in the modern world, young ladies can still walk away with lessons from the customs of an earlier time. Here are a few notes on the appropriate behavior for a lady from First Lady of the South, Varina Howell Davis.
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"A lady is simply someone who cares about herself and others. She sees that her garments are clean and neatly pressed, her shoes are polished, and every button is in place. She is neat and tidy even at the breakfast table and wishes to appear well to her own family. She keeps her hair clean and well-groomed and never puts her hand to her hair to re-arrange it or search for loose pins while others can see.


A lady does not monopolize the conversation. She does not talk of herself and her own affairs but listens with well-simulated interest to a story that bores her. This is the mark of good breeding. She does not sit apart with one or two friends but makes the gentle effort to assure a good time for all with pleasant conversation. A lady does not say or do anything that will upset those around her or make them uncomfortable.

A lady does not let any man kiss her or put his arm around her unless she is engaged to be married to him, and even then she should be a little stingy with her favors.

A lady, when she brushes off her hat, does not forget to brush away the cobwebs…in her brain. She does not conclude that every man who has said something pleasant to her has fallen in love with her.

A lady is possessed of refinement, which prevents her from all fidgeting, from playing with her handkerchief, her umbrella, her purse, or whatever may be in her hands. When she sits down she remains quietly, her hands resting easily without movement and her whole figure is filled with repose. She is calm, composed, self-controlled at all times, yet there are no airs about her. These qualities are what keep her from talking and laughing loudly, and they prevent her from hurting the feelings of anyone.

A lady does not grow weary in well-doing but encourages herself by trying to live up to her ideal of a woman."

Facebook Invites Don't Count

Yes, I did send you an invite to Facebook when I hit that "share with all" button, but even I know that's just not enough.  At best, sending out a Facebook invitation is a reminder, and should never be done before you have extended an actual invitation to an event.

A proper invitation is one of the most important elements for an event because it sets the tone and provides guests with crucial information.

Traditionally,  an invitation should go out six to eight weeks before a major event.  However if you are hosting a smaller affair, such as a chapter dinner or fun event that only a few people will be attending, two weeks is the minimum.

Invest in some lovely paper, get a real address, and take the time to send a proper invitation.  It shows your guests that you really care.